


Neighbors

by Chaos_Valkyrie



Series: Trope-inator [1]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Human AU, Human! Perry, M/M, Mutual Pining, New Neighbor Trope, Trapped In Elevator, UST
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-17 09:32:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8139151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaos_Valkyrie/pseuds/Chaos_Valkyrie
Summary: Perry Fletcher popped his back with a sigh, eyeing the last load of boxes to be wheeled up to his new apartment with relief. One last trip, then he would finally be moved in to his new place.
When he had first looked into moving to Danville six months ago, to be closer to his remaining family, this apartment building had had one of the worst ratings online. But when his bid on another place fell through, a second search revealed that the now-renamed DEI building had radically skyrocketed in ratings.
Reading through the edited reports, apparently the building's most reclusive resident – one Heinz Doofenshmirtz – had bought out the whole building and fired the old superintendent. He then hired the new manager, Norm, which caused the building to have a complete reversal in ratings from its occupants.
*****
New Neighbor AU: I wanted to give you a warm welcome to the neighborhood by baking you a cake but turns out you’re hella allergic to something I put in and you look like you’re about to die holy shit I feel horrible au





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt (found on Pinterest):   
> I wanted to give you a warm welcome to the neighborhood by baking you a cake but turns out you’re hella allergic to something I put in and you look like you’re about to die holy shit I feel horrible au
> 
> Sorry I didn't update Weds – I worked on 4-5 different stories, but nothing was panning out like I wanted, so I took a breather.
> 
> New Neighbor Trope fic. Enjoy.

Perry Fletcher popped his back with a sigh, eyeing the last load of boxes to be wheeled up to his new apartment with relief. One last trip, then he would finally be moved in to his new place.

When he had first looked into moving to Danville six months ago, to be closer to his remaining family, this apartment building had had one of the worst ratings online. But when his bid on another place fell through, a second search revealed that the now-renamed DEI building had radically skyrocketed in ratings.

Reading through the edited reports, apparently the building's most reclusive resident – one Heinz Doofenshmirtz – had bought out the whole building and fired the old superintendent. He then hired the new manager, Norm, which caused the building to have a complete reversal in ratings from its occupants.

Perry immediately applied for an open apartment on the 20th floor, and after a brief stint on the wait list, was finally approved to move in.

His cousin's wife, Linda, had done her own research. Apparently, the old manager was a lazy good-for-nothing who ignored the residents' complaints while steadily raising the rent. Something happened to make Doofenshmirtz, who was a successful if anti-social inventor, look into buying out the property. Which he did, firing the old bum in the process.

According to Linda's gossip mill, Doofenshmirtz had neither the inclination nor knowledge to run an apartment complex himself, and so hired the new manager, Norm, to do it for him. 

Perry had met the acclaimed manager. He was the complete opposite of the fabled old super – loud, friendly, and extremely helpful. He had helped Perry move most of his belongings in, before rushing off to assist an elderly resident with her groceries.

Perry pulled the back door shut on the rental van, reaching blindly for the dolly and its last load of boxes. Only, his hand met with warm flesh, not cool metal, and he jerked back reflexively.

The other man had the same reaction, long arms windmilling as he fought to keep his balance. He managed to, barely, grocery bags swinging wildly on his arms.

“Sorry! Sorry! Didn't mean to startle you!” the taller man babbled frantically. Perry judged that he was about the same age as his slightly older cousin, with messy brown hair, a long pointed nose, and the deepest blue eyes Perry'd ever seen. 

Perry always had a bit of a weakness for blue eyes.

Perry held his hands up in a calming motion, then pulled out his ever-present notepad, flipping it to the first page. He handed it to the other man, waiting for the usual reaction of pity or curiosity. Neither of which, thankfully, ever came.

Those dark blue eyes read over the words, 'Hi, I'm Perry Fletcher. I'm mute, not deaf,' before lighting up.

“Oh! Okay! I'm Heinz Doofenshmirtz, I live on the top floor.” He shook a bemused Perry's hand before rambling on. “Norm said something about you moving in today... he runs all the new tenants by me, I don't know why, I told him he could handle it himself...”

So, this was his elusive new landlord. Perry grinned, motioning for the notepad so that he could write down a response. 

Heinz blushed, handing the notepad back with a grimace. “Sorry about that, my daughter says I have a bad habit of letting my mouth run away with me...” Perry fished around for the pen in his pocket, digging it out and pulling the cap off with his teeth.

“Oh, I know ASL, if that makes things easier than writing everything down?” Heinz asked, a little unsurely.

Perry smiled at him warmly, causing the other man's cheeks to darken. He shoved the pen and pad back into his pocket, then signed, 'Much easier. Thank you.'

Heinz smiled back, before gesturing at the loaded dolly. “Do you need a hand moving in?”

'No, this is the last load... besides, your hands are full,' Perry signed, pointing at the bags dangling from Heinz's arms. 

The flush spread to the tips of Heinz's ears, and he chuckled nervously. “Yeah, forgot about those... well, I can at least get the door!”

Perry grinned, grabbing the dolly handle and motioning for Heinz to lead the way. 

*****

Oh, why was Heinz such a dummkopf?! There was a reason he had little to do with the other occupants of the building. Especially the really attractive ones...

Well, he didn't know if any of the other residents were attractive or not, but this one was, with his tan skin and teal hair and intense brown eyes...

Heinz bit back a whimper at the muscles flexing under Perry's t-shirt as he pulled back on the loaded dolly... 

And now the man was motioning for Heinz to stop his obvious ogling and actually open the damned doors like he'd offered! Heinz felt his face heat up even more, quickly walking over to unlock and pull the glass door open wide.

Thankfully, Perry seemed more amused than annoyed by Heinz's antics, which already placed him in a different category than practically everyone else in Heinz's life. Heinz just really hoped it would last...

He followed the other man inside, jogging ahead to the elevator and clicking the button repeatedly. Perry raised an eyebrow at the action, causing Heinz to flush again, as he forced himself to stop.

“Sorry, old habit. When the old manager was still here, it always took about ten hits to get the stupid thing to respond. I would take the stairs if it wasn't twenty-five flights.”

The shorter man smiled sympathetically. 'Out of order a lot?'

Heinz rolled his eyes. “Cromwell never fixed anything. You were lucky if you didn't get stuck at least once a week. I was trapped in there for seven hours once!” Perry grimaced. “I know! Thankfully, Norm can fix just about anything. This place is running much smoother now.”

'I heard you bought out the building?' Perry signed, and Heinz resigned himself to being perpetually red-faced around the other man.

“Yeah,” he shrugged, jumping a bit when the elevator doors whooshed open behind him with a ding. He held a hand against the open door, waiting as the other man wheeled his load inside. When the doors shut behind them, he continued. “I'm an inventor, and sometimes – only sometimes! – things kind of explode while I'm testing them out.” He waved his hands frantically at the other man's concerned look. “It never goes past my floor, don't worry!”

Perry shook his head. 'Just glad you're not injured.'

Heinz smiled shyly. “Not usually. But anyway, I figured in the long run, it'd be cheaper for me to just buy the building out rather than keep paying the rent hikes and damage fines. I was doing all the repairs myself anyway since Cromwell couldn't be bothered...” he momentarily trailed off at the other man's encouraging smile, before switching tracks.

He cleared his throat. “So, do you like the building so far?” he asked, a bit nervous. “Norm does a good job taking care of everything, but he's so loud, I mean, no matter how many times I tell him to use his indoor voice, he just doesn't get it!”

Perry nodded along with a grin. 'Almost wished I was deaf.'

“I know!” Heinz groaned. “At least you don't have him constantly under foot! Ever since I hired him, he's declared me his new 'Dad' and is constantly up in my apartment, following me around when I'm trying to work...” he trailed off at Perry's amused facial expression. “He's been talking about me again, hasn't he?”

Perry nodded slowly, a wide smile lighting his face. Heinz gulped, hard.

'Something about how his Dad played hide-and-seek with him the other day?' 

Heinz felt his face burn, but the elevator door dinged open before he could do more than open his mouth to protest.

'This is my floor,' Perry signed, looking as though he was honestly sorry to have to leave Heinz behind. Heinz nodded, standing aside as the other man wheeled his load into the corridor. 'Maybe we'll bump into each other again later?' the other man turned and signed, causing Heinz to nod quickly.

“Yes! That'd be great!” he insisted, before cursing himself inwardly for being way too enthusiastic. Perry only nodded himself, giving Heinz a thumbs up before the doors pinged shut.

Heinz thumped his head on the mirrored wall behind him. Perry must think he's a complete dummkopf.

*****

A few days had passed, and Perry still had yet to accidentally bump into his new kind-of adorable landlord.

He had run into his new building manager, who with very little prompting, indicated that Heinz was immersed in research for a new project, and barely remembering to eat or sleep, much less leaving his apartment.

Perry understood, even if he was a bit disappointed. Work obviously came before any meeting or greeting with new neighbors.

Unfortunately, Perry had forgotten that his cousin's wife was like a shark when it came to scenting romance in the water. He'd invited his cousin's family over for a house-warming dinner in his new place, and he'd made the disastrous mistake of inquiring about what more her friends knew about Heinz over the appetizers.

“Oh, so you met Heinz, did you?” she replied, her fingers inching towards the phone in her pocket. Perry bit down on a flinch – she had her best innocent matchmaker face on. Luckily, he was saved by a knock at the door.

Or not so luckily, he thought, as he pulled the door open to reveal the man in question.

Not that he wasn't happy to see Heinz... just not while his wily cousin-in-law was present.

The man rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly with one hand, the other hand holding a basket at his side. 

“So, its usual to greet someone to the neighborhood with food of some kind, and my daughter's guitar instructor has an organic garden and generally brings us over tons of extra produce. So I've been researching for days...” the other mad flinched at his accidental admission, “Er, um, yeah, and since I didn't know if you had any allergies, I found a recipe that was grain-free, nut-free, and egg-free!” He pushed the basket towards Perry, blushing endearingly. 

Perry smiled, utterly thrilled. He had been Heinz's research project! He took a deep sniff over the basket...

...and choked, flinging himself backwards, the door slamming shut on Heinz's devastated face.

Linda quickly pushed past him, as he signed quickly back to Candace, whose eyes widened in sympathy, even as she bee-lined for his bathroom and the allergy meds within.

“Hi! You must be Heinz! I'm Perry's cousin-in-law,” Linda said smoothly at the door, while Perry, out of sight due the horrible rash he knew he was now sporting, choked down the allergy pills that Candace handed him.

“Oh! Um, hi,” he could just picture the man's awkward fidgeting, and wished he could see it for himself.

“Let me guess,” Linda continued, “that has parsnips in it, doesn't it?” There was an awkward pause. “My daughter has the same allergic reaction! I'Il take it you know the Johnsons?” Another pause as Heinz probably nodded. “My daughter is dating Jeremy, and they send us extra produce too.” Her voice dropped to a whisper, “If you want to try again, my dear cousin has a massive sweet tooth. Parsnips are his only allergy that I know of.”

Perry just wanted to curl up in embarrassment. The other man had worked so hard to produce an allergen-free recipe, only to be thwarted by Perry's one totally-obscure allergy! And then, on top of that, got to face down his shark-like cousin-in-law.

A few more moments, and the door shut with an ominous click.

Then, the tapping started.

“Okay, so, according to the Johnsons… and his ex-wife, Charlene…” Linda started, tapping away furiously, “Heinz is sweet, somewhat socially awkward… reclusive...”

Candace piped up. “Jeremy says Dr. D tends to slip into German when he's really flustered....”

“His daughter, Vanessa, says that she thinks her dad is bi, given his love of those 'Peter the Panda' movies,” Ferb added, typing back a reply.

Perry just stared at the wall, forlornly, as the tapping rose to a frenzy in the background.

Lawrence just sat there, smiling benignly as he sat on his cousin's sofa, as his family hostilely took over Perry’s love life.

And Phineas – dear, sweet Phineas – just patted Perry's arm fondly, in that ‘nice knowing you kind of way.’


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Janice H for suggesting a stuck-in-an-elevator trope. I thought that would be a fantastic follow-up to new-neighbor trope, so here you go!
> 
> Perry's Sidekick, obviously, didn't get updated today, because I still need to go rewatch the episode I'm basing it on. But it is coming, I promise.
> 
> This one jumps around a lot, but I really wanted to get both POVs in there. 
> 
> Also, warning for angsty and self-loathing Heinz. Because he just doesn't realize how freaking adorable he really is.

Heinz was a coward now, as well as a complete dummkopf. After his disastrous first attempt to welcome their new tenant to the building, he whipped out a peach cobbler – one of the best desserts he was capable of making – and sent it down with Norm.

(He had tried to send Vanessa, but she laughed at his story and told him to go himself.)

Norm told him that Perry seemed pleased with the cobbler, but also hinted that he seemed disappointed not to see Heinz himself.

Heinz had snorted at that. Yeah, because the poor guy really wanted another rash or a broken bone or whatever other disaster Heinz could conjure up. Had he delivered it, the cobbler probably would've exploded in Perry's face or something.

A few more days passed with no contact from the other man, and Heinz told himself it was all for the best. Attractive men like Perry wanted nothing to do with clumsy, awkward, good-for-nothing scientists like himself. Neither did attractive women... small animals... houseplants... really it was just to be expected.

Of course, it may also have had something to do with Heinz being deeply immersed in research for his new invention. And no, he was not hiding and sulking in his apartment, thank you very much Norm. He was doing research. (And maybe watching funny cat videos on the internet. All work and no play and all that.)

But Heinz did have to leave, eventually, for new parts for his latest device and to restock his dwindling food supplies. So for the first time in the week since he nearly poisoned his new tenant, Heinz cleaned himself up, grabbed his wallet and glasses and shopping list, and headed out the door.

He left Norm texting away on his phone and walked down to the elevators. Seriously, Norm had an apartment of his own, why was he always at Heinz's? Maybe he should just clear out a closet and let the man sleep in there at night...

The elevator pinged, and Heinz entered the thankfully empty compartment. He held up his list, reading over it and making sure he had everything he needed written down...

The doors pinged, and he frowned, glancing up at the floor number...

He felt his stomach plummet to his knees. No, it couldn't be...

It was. The doors opened to reveal a breathless Perry, who smiled at Heinz and entered the compartment.

*****

Perry regretted his life choices. One simple slip up, one minor inquiry about his kind of cute landlord, and now the floodgates had been flung wide open with no chance of shutting again.

His family had given out his phone number to their gossip sources, and now Perry's phone was constantly blowing up with texts from Vanessa and the others, sending him tidbits about Heinz. (Vanessa called her texts Daily Doof Facts, which were by far his favorite.)

He'd never even met these people, who were all so invested in Perry's stagnant love life. Perry wasn't sure whether he should pleased or horrified, but he was seriously thinking about getting a new phone number.

The only person who didn't text him about Heinz was Norm. Perry had been torn when he answered the door the day after the incident, happy that Heinz had tried again, but disappointed that Heinz had not delivered the cobbler himself.

Norm informed him that his 'dad' was horribly embarrassed and hiding out in his apartment. Perry had thanked Norm, and asked him to pass his gratitude on to Heinz. After the other man left, Perry texted Vanessa, asking what he should do to make things right with her father.

'Use your words,' seemed kind of obvious in retrospect, but he didn't appreciate the snark.

He also asked why he never got texts from Norm about Heinz, and Vanessa replied that the manager was far too unsubtle to be in on their conspiracy. Having met the man, Perry could not disagree with that assessment.

So Perry had eaten the cobbler (it was amazing) and was psyching himself up to return the ramekin it had arrived in to the top floor. It had been a week since he'd seen Heinz, and unfortunately, with getting settled into both his new home and new job, he hadn't had a moment yet to get away for more than a few minutes. And he wanted more than just a few minutes with the other man.

So when Norm had texted him out of the blue on his day off to inform him that Heinz was heading out to the store, Perry had grabbed his wallet and coat and sprinted out his door to the elevators.

He hit the button repeatedly for the one going down, hoping that Heinz hadn't decided to take the stairs instead.

The doors finally opened, and Perry smiled.

*****

“Um, hi there?” Heinz asked uncertainly, his eyes raking over the panting man before him. Good news was, the horrible rash from his allergic reaction was long gone. Bad news, being this close to the other man was doing funny things to his stomach.

Perry waved back, a soft smile on his lips. Heinz gulped, focusing his eyes on the other man's hands as he started to sign.

'How are you -' was as far as he got before he was interrupted by an all-too-familiar grinding sound.

Heinz groaned as the light flickered, the compartment coming to a shuddering stop. He held up a hand to Perry, fishing his phone out at the same time. “Hold that thought,” was all he said, hitting the speed dial and holding the phone about a foot away from his ear.

Perry's confused look vanished into one of understanding when Norm's voice boomed out of the speaker.

“Yes, Dad? Did you forget your wallet again?” Norm asked, causing Heinz to flush even as he rolled his eyes. 

“No, Norm, I have that. The elevator broke down – again. Can you see about getting it fixed?”

“Sure thing, Dad, I'll get right on that.” Norm boomed again, before hanging up. Heinz sighed, looking over at Perry. “It wasn't even on speaker phone,” he told him, and he smiled as the other man huffed a laugh.

“So, where's the fire?” Heinz asked, causing Perry to look confused again. “You seemed like you were in a rush when you first got on?” The other man's expression cleared.

'Forgot something at the store,' he signed, his eyes not quite meeting Heinz's. 'Where are you off to?'

“The grocery store and the hardware store. I've been working on a new prototype all week, and need parts.” He sighed, sliding down the wall to sit on the floor. “We may as well sit, this could take a while.”

The other man sat down opposite Heinz, before signing, 'Working on a prototype? Norm said you were hiding.'

Heinz felt his face heat up. “I wasn't hiding! I wasn't! I was simply doing research for my new invention!” He banged his head back at the other man's disbelieving expression, shutting his eyes at the pain. He hadn't meant to hit the wall so hard...

He felt a hand gently cup the back of his head, and his eyes flew open to find Perry a lot closer than he'd been before. The other man had a concerned expression on his face as he checked Heinz's head for bumps. Heinz was too shocked at his sudden proximity to stop him.

“I'm fine, everyone knows I've got a hard head,” Heinz chuckled weakly, gulping a bit at the stern look Perry shot him.

'You being injured is not fine,' he signed as he pulled back. However, he settled down right next to Heinz, instead of the other side of the compartment like before.

Heinz gulped again at the feel of Perry's leg pressed against his own. Perry smiled at him reassuringly. 

'I'm not mad about the other day. I thought it was cute.'

Heinz snorted in disbelief. “You thought it was cute that I managed to make the one food that would cause you to break out into a horrible rash?” he asked, even as he felt his face heat up anew.

Perry rolled his eyes. 'I thought you were cute,' he signed with emphasis, 'with how hard you tried to make something allergen free for me. I still think you're cute now,' he finished, with a faint blush of his own.

*****

How could anyone not think Heinz was adorable? Yes he was kind of accident prone and liked to ramble, but Perry found it utterly endearing. Even now, the other man's forehead was scrunched up cutely as he obviously thought hard, his cheeks rosy and blue eyes shining.

Also, the glasses were kind of hot. Perry had never had a thing for glasses before, but with the way they made Heinz's eyes really stand out, he was a convert.

“O-oh?” the man stuttered. “I don't think anyone's ever called me cute before.”

Perry smiled at him widely. 'The world's loss is my gain,' he told the other man. 'Tell me about your inventions,' he asked, before decisively reaching out and twining his fingers with Heinz's. 

The other man stared at their joined hands in shock. “Are you sure?” he asked, and Perry knew he what he was really asking. Perry nodded, slowly and firmly, causing the other man to break out into a huge grin.

*****

Norm checked the clock on his phone before continuing his game of Candy Crush. He'd give his dad and Perry another hour before he'd go turn the elevator back on.

He snorted. And Vanessa accused him of being unsubtle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love evil Norm.
> 
> All of my Trope-inator fics will be counted as one-shots, but I will gladly add on new chapters if people want to see more of a particular storyline. In this case, the elevator-trope fit in perfectly with the new-neighbor-trope, so I tacked it on as another chapter. 
> 
> Anywho, thanks for the input so far, and keep it coming! October I'm dedicating to spooky-tropes, so if there's anything you'd like to see that I haven't already thought of, just throw it to me!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the prompt: Imagine your OTP in a haunted house, A is anticipating B to be scared and cling to them for support. In reality, it’s A who needs the support, jumping at every unexpectedly spooky noise as B is unfazed by the entire thing.
> 
> Also, killokillo requested a haunted house or trick-or-treating fic. I used the trick-or-treating idea over on Agent O - Love Goes On, and the haunted house here.
> 
> So, I severely overestimated how involved I would be going trick-or-treating with my niece and nephew! So you get the two actual Halloween-themed posts tonight – ‘Love Goes On’ and this one – and I’ll finish editing the last of ‘Hoping to Find a Savior’ tonight and post tomorrow. Sorry for the slight delay, but I can’t resist puppy eyes!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy! And Happy Halloween!

Perry was frustrated, but refused to give up on this very important endeavor.

Successfully dating Heinz Doofenshmirtz.

Note the word successfully. Dating Heinz was easy enough, he just refused to accept that every date with the other man would and could end in complete and utter disaster.

(Charlene had offered to tell him tales from her own courtship with Heinz, which Perry refused for numerous reasons.)

Their first date had been an unmitigated disaster. Perry had heard good things about the International House of Shellfish, and was excited to try it with Heinz. 

Heinz started screaming, “Get away, get away, get away!” as soon as they had parked the car and Heinz registered the restaurant’s outdoor menu board, complete with pictures.

Not words Perry had ever wanted screamed at him on a first date. Once Heinz had calmed down and explained to him his ‘mild’ phobia of shellfish, well, Perry could work with that. He simply drove down the street to a little Italian place he’d heard Linda gush about, and everything was fine.

Except it was not fine. The restaurant was holding a fundraiser for the local animal rescue shelter that night, and had brought some of the rescued animals to help raise money.

Good news, Heinz loved animals and was adorable as he cooed over the bright-eyed puppies and kittens. One of the rescued animals even took a shine to Heinz in return.

The bad news? The rescued animal was a retired circus bat named Derek, who immediately started following Heinz around, squeaking happily.

Perry got to hear “Get away, get away, get away!” for the second time that night as Heinz ran back and forth, the little bat gamely flying along behind.

Apparently, Heinz had a ‘mild’ phobia of bats as well.

One thing led to another, somewhere along the way Heinz accidentally caught his sleeve on fire, and Perry and Heinz were asked never to return to the little Italian place.

The last Perry saw of the restaurant, in his rearview mirror, was Derek watching them forlornly from the window as they drove away.

They ended up parking back at the DEI building and walking to the hot dog vendor near where Perry worked. This led to an entertaining rest of the evening as Heinz shook off his embarrassment and regaled Perry with tales of his days as a bratwurst vendor.

Perry walked Heinz to his door, giving him a short, polite goodnight kiss, and suggested that maybe Heinz should plan their next date.

Heinz, who looked surprised that Perry even wanted a second date, agreed happily and pulled Perry in for slightly longer and slightly less chaste kiss.

Perry didn’t stop smiling the whole way back to his own floor.

*****

The less said about the second date, the better. It wasn’t Heinz’s fault in any way, since he couldn’t be expected to prepare for Acts of God.

It had started as a home-cooked picnic in the park on a beautiful, sunny fall day.

It had ended with a freak thunderstorm, more mud than Perry had ever seen at even a monster truck show, and a wild goose chase.

Literally. They were chased by a gaggle of wild geese.

At least the mud made Heinz’s clothes cling to him in all the right ways, giving Perry a nice view on the elevator ride up, and vice versa.

The night had ended with Perry and Heinz, shower fresh and pajama clad, eating their picnic (which had miraculously survived the ordeal) in front of Heinz’s cheerfully lit fireplace, and then making out like teenagers. This lasted until Norm interrupted them, entering the apartment and greeting them cheerfully.

Perry wondered, as he rode back down to his own apartment, if Heinz wasn’t exaggerating when he ranted about Norm constantly being underfoot.

*****

But now it was Perry’s turn to plan the date again, and he was determined that the third date was going to go smoothly start to finish if it killed him.

And it just might.

It was the Friday before Halloween, and Perry’s cousin's kids were hosting a haunted house in their backyard. Knowing the boys, it would be spooky and over-the-top and perfect. With Heinz’s ‘mild’ phobias, he’d get to see the other man all adorably flustered again.

The kids had agreed to let Perry and Heinz go through early, acting as a sort of test run, and Heinz wouldn’t have to worry about being too embarrassed in front of other people.

Then they could get some take out, head back to Perry’s apartment, and maybe watch a movie and cuddle.

It was fool-proof plan. The insane luck of Phineas and Ferb would make this night a success. It was fool-proof.

*****

“Your nephews designed this? I’m impressed,” Heinz gushed as they stared up (and up) and the dark and creepy building before them. Perry nodded, impressed himself.

A shadow loomed from behind them, hissing, causing both men to jump forward. Heinz chuckled while Perry willed his heart to stop pounding.

“Wow! Great costume, kid,” Heinz giggled, and Perry watched as his nephew pulled down the zipper and stepped out of the hideous giant caterpillar… thing, smiling widely.

“Thanks! You must be Mr. Doofenshmirtz!”

“You can call me Heinz. Perry tells me you like to invent things?”

“Oh yeah, he said you’re an inventor too? That is so cool. Hey, I should get Ferb out here, you can look at some of our blueprints…”

Oh no. They were doing the Science. Perry flinched inwardly. He adored that Phineas and Heinz were getting along so well, but he had a mission to have a successful date here. He loved Phineas, but he wasn’t about to have this date get hijacked by the Science talk.

He clapped twice, drawing their attention. ‘Don’t we need to do the test run now?’ he asked, gesturing towards the backyard gate, where a line was already beginning to form.

“Oh, you’re right, Uncle Perry, I’d hate to disappoint everyone. This way!” Phineas led the pair inside. Perry grabbed Heinz’s hand in the dark, intertwining their fingers. Heinz's wide smile in return confirmed that this date was back on track.

The first room was empty. Phineas pointed to a large set of double doors on the other side of the room. “Just go through there, and follow the signs, it’ll be great, I promise!”

Heinz shrugged at Perry. “After you?” 

Perry smiled, tugging Heinz along by his hand.

*****

See, the thing is, Perry knew his nephews. He knew they didn’t do things by halves, and the word ‘impossible’ was never ever a word in their vocabulary. So when he and Heinz entered the first room, and the werewolves’ heads immediately shot up and began sniffing in their direction, drool dripping from their bloody maws, Perry had a sinking feeling that these weren’t robots.

“Oh cool! How lifelike!” Heinz giggled, leaning forward to get a better look at the nearest one. When it began growling back, Perry tugged Heinz’s hand and pulled him, walking at a faster pace than normal.

Heinz chuckled, but didn’t say anything at Perry’s sigh of relief as they shut the door behind them.

The next room, with it rows of shimmering ghosts flitting up and down through the floors and walls was a bit of a relief.

“The special effects are amazing,” Heinz whispered, causing Perry to nod proudly. His boys were capable of some pretty spectacular things.

They followed the spiraling staircase upwards, jumping and laughing at the surprise jack-in-the box at the end.

Perry didn’t laugh so much when the (very real) battle axe barely missed them down the next hallway. He was going to have some words with the kids on that one.

“Boo. Boo I say,” came a quiet voice from a room off the hall. The figure stumbled into the light…

“Um, kid, what are you supposed to be?” Heinz asked warily.

“I am not a kid. I am the scariest thing known to man… a failed math test,” he announced grandly. 

“Um, okay, we’re just going to move on now…” Heinz shrugged, tugging Perry forward.

“You can run, but it won’t be to the college of your choice I tell you!” the boy cried out behind them, voice echoing strangely in the corridor.

The next room held a giant robot, taller than Heinz, with very real saws for hands coming right at them. Perry churred nervously, backing away slowly, forcing Heinz (who looked like he wanted to examine the thing) to follow. 

The wall gave out behind them, tossing them into a room, and they were immediately surrounded by four banshees who began screaming at them.

Perry tugged Heinz through the grasping hands, the other man giggling breathlessly as they ran down a hallway lined with glowing, haunted portraits and dodging (what Heinz obviously assumed) were fake spiders. Watching the way they moved, Perry was pretty sure they were real and felt a frisson of revulsion as one landed on his head and skittered to the floor.

He slammed the door shut behind them, and a figure immediately stood from the shadows, entering the light.

“Behold, the face of evil,” a voice whispered, and a boy dressed as a little pig-tailed girl stepped into the light.

Heinz choked back a gasp. “You’re dressed as little Suzy Johnson, aren’t you?”

The boy nodded. “She gives me the willies,” he stated, shuddering in fear.

Perry glanced at Heinz, who wore a commiserating smile. “I know, right?”

Perry just shook his head, tugging Heinz out of the room. 

*****

Heinz knew he shouldn’t be so amused by the way Perry was trying to remain low-key about the haunted house, but it was all he could do to keep from giggling. 

Some of the rooms were just amusing (like the math test kid), and the rest amazing. How two kids younger than his daughter could design and program all of this (and apparently build it in just one day) was mind-boggling. And he should know, he’d been inventing things since he was their age.

The swarm of bats that greeted them at the next staircase put him off a bit, but he shrugged and bore it. Its not like they were real bats…

Though Perry obviously thought so, the way he pressed into Heinz as the swarm crowded them against each other.

Heinz wasn’t objecting to feeling the other man press up against him. He just gave Perry’s hand a squeeze, smiling as he tugged them upstairs.

He wasn’t sure if that was a sigh of frustration or confusion that Perry let out behind him, but he just grinned and refused to look back.

Perry paused at the top of this staircase, eyes going wide.

“Neat! An indoor rollercoaster!” Heinz looked back as Perry refused to move forward. “Perry?”

Perry shook his head. Heinz was confused.

“Do you not like roller coasters?” Heinz asked, and Perry briefly shook his head.

“Oh come on, I’m sure it’ll be harmless. Its indoors! How bad could it be?” 

*****

Heinz really had no clue what his two nephews were capable of. Perry had been subjected to the boys’ first roller coaster, one that twisted and turned all through Danville.

He still blamed Phineas and Ferb for his first grey hairs, which he found shortly after that day.

Perry – reluctantly – let Heinz lead him to the cart, tugging him gently inside.

“Don’t worry, Perry,” he said, pulling the bar shut. He tugged his hand free from Perry’s, immediately wrapping his whole arm around Perry’s waist and tugging him close.

“I’ll make sure you’re one-hundred percent safe,” he finished. Perry sighed, relaxing slightly, even though he didn’t appreciate Heinz’s slightly mothering tone. Heinz was right – it was indoors. How bad could it be?

*****

Very bad, Perry thought not three minutes later. Why did he believe Heinz over his own knowledge of the boys? Why?!

The coaster had started slow, passing through a harmless indoor cemetery, monsters lighting up as they passed.

Perry allowed himself to snuggle into Heinz’s side, grinning a bit as Heinz whispered, “See, I told you!”

Then the coaster passed through the giant clown mouth, presumably to enter the next room…

And dropped. Reminiscent of that awful first coaster, the car spiraled downwards, the momentum increasing rapidly, Heinz hooting with laughter as Perry grabbed the rail in a death grip, wondering if he should’ve written up his will before coming here…

They came to a violent jolting stop, Heinz clapping his hands in glee as Perry shivered in reawakened terror. Phineas was there to greet them. 

“Did you like it? How was it? Was it scary enough?!”

“Oh, it was just great, kid! Everything was perfect! You should do this again next year, I’ve already got some ideas on how you can really up the fear factor…” Perry stopped listening as Heinz and Phineas began throwing ideas back and forth.

Perry felt a nudge at his arm, and turned to see Ferb standing there, looking at him worriedly. Perry gave him a shaky thumbs up, which Ferb returned with a tiny smile.

He looked towards his brother and Perry’s date, rolling his eyes fondly. Giving Perry a meaningful look, he walked over and tugged on Phineas’ sleeve, tapping at his watch.

“You’re right, Ferb, its time to open! We’ll talk about this again later, okay Dr. D?” Phineas asked, allowing his brother to tug him towards the door labeled ‘Personnel Only’.

*****

“Sure thing!” Heinz managed to yell before the door closed behind them. Those kids were amazing.

He looked over to where his date was still shaking a bit in the cart, and smiled softly.

“You ready to go?” He walked over, holding out his hand to Perry. Perry nodded, his tremors slowing as Heinz led him out of the haunted house, the first guests pushing past in their haste to go inside.

“So, did you like it?” Heinz giggled as Perry shot him a look. “What?! I thought it was adorable how you tried to play your fear down.” 

Perry took his hand back, signing at Heinz as they left the yard. ‘The bats?!’

“They were obviously mechanical, and having you pressed fearfully against me was a great distraction.” Heinz winked, just for the heck of it.

Perry flushed, but kept going. ‘The only thing you genuinely seemed afraid of was a pig-tailed little girl!’

Heinz snorted. “Don’t judge us until you get on her bad side. She’s terrifying.”

Perry waved his hands in frustration. Heinz sighed.

“Look, I was distracted from my fear by the Science. Your nephews are amazing, and I spent most of the time marveling at the work put into the house. It distracted me from the scary parts!” Heinz defended himself. Perry sighed, scrubbing a hand through his hair.

‘I’m sorry, I’m over-reacting… I just thought that you’d be the one pressing up to me, not the other way around,’ he confessed. Heinz grinned.

“Well, you did promise me take-out and a movie after, so I’ll be very disappointed if there isn’t a healthy amount of cuddling involved,” Heinz suggested, causing Perry to grin.

‘And we wouldn’t want you to be disappointed,’ he signed, reaching out to kiss Heinz lightly on the lips before tugging him towards his car.

*****

A couple of hours later found them curled up on Perry’s sofa, cooing over ‘Night of the Felis’. Heinz could safely say, curled into Perry’s side with his arms snugly wrapped around him, that he was very much not disappointed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The shellfish place is actually called 'Shellfish Needs', but I kept calling it ‘International House of Shellfish’ in my head, so I used it instead.
> 
> And Perry in the cart? Imagine Perry after the Drusselstein driving test, that’s the terrified Perry I was going for.
> 
> This was heavily based on the haunted house episode and the “Face Your Fears” episode, with a few dashes of other eps thrown in.
> 
> I’ll see you at Thanksgiving, with an update for this ‘Love Goes On’, as well as something else! See you then!

**Author's Note:**

> Introducing the Trope-inator series! Because, seriously, I freaking love trope-y fics and Perryshmirtz doesn't have enough of them (on AO3 at least). So if you have any particular tropes you'd like to see, send it my way... meet-cutes, meet-uglys, anything really... just give me an idea, a prompt, whatever. I am trying to shake them up a bit, try some hopefully original twists on old tropes, so we'll see what happens.
> 
> Perry's Sidekick will most likely update next time... I just need to rewatch the episode its based on...
> 
> And I've decided that for October, I'm going to hit you guys with all the monster and spooky au's I've been sitting on, so I hope you'll enjoy them!


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